It's All Relative...

I am sick. I swear I have a reverse self-image problem.

I think I'm all that. I remember when I gained 50 plus pounds in the last couple of years I was miserable. I really was miserable, on the way up.

Well, now that I've lost almost 40 of that 50 I think I'm looking so good. When I was on the way up I hated it & the fat jeans I had to buy I'm now thrilled to be squeezing my getting smaller butt into.

It's all relative.

The hubby & I are planning a trip to Mexico this spring with a few of his friends & their wives. I love them all but they are all skinny fucking bitches. I say that in the most affectionate way, ladies. You know I adore you.

And there I'll be. In my tankini top & board shorts. They'll be looking amazing in their bikinis. Even if I don't eat until May, I'll still be in board shorts. The tankini top will just be a little more revealing.

And I'll feel great. I'll feel just as pretty as they are. I'll be a little envious & totally tell them about it to their faces but it won't bother me a bit. It never occurs to me to feel bad about myself. It just gives me focus.

But it has not always been thus. I don't remember my internal dialog from last year but I know it was hateful & full of self-criticism.

And I will say, quite honestly, if it was a year ago & I was still wearing that 40+ pounds then this trip would not be happening. Because the only way I could have quieted the screaming self-protests in my head back then would have been Xanax. And why waste a Xanax on a real issue when it's in fact something meant to be savored & enjoyed :)

It's all relative.

Have a great night!