I Wish I Had a Tail...

I always used to watch Meet the Barkers. I loved that show. I loved the way Travis would run his hand through the top of Shana's hair & push it back.

I would be totally pissed if my husband did that to me all the time. It would totally messed up my hair & since mine is usually in a pony tail or some up-do anyway it would never work.

But on them, it looked hot.

They were also in Maui one time & he asked her what he was thinking & she said "that you want to tap that ass." I loved that, too.

Mostly because I say that to my hubby a lot. And that's what he's always thinking. I'm lucky but sometimes it's annoying. Mostly I'm lucky that he still wants & desires me after a million years together & that he's still such a horn dog in his mid-forties. But when I'm crabby or just want to watch tv it's annoying. Almost every wife knows what I'm talking about.

But I digress. Shana & her friend had a conversation about wishing they had tails. Shana was lying on the bed & pretending her arm was a tail. She said it would be so sexy & that if Travis had one he'd have it all pierced & tattooed.

My hubby & I have always had the tail conversation. Ever since we got married & got our first cat. I love how a cat can be perfectly still & you still know that he's pissed because his tail is twitching.

My hubby looks at me sometimes & even if I'm trying to hide it he knows that I'm pissed & tells me that my tail is twitching.

I'm a dog person, too, but I don't think I'd want a wagging tail. Too obvious. I don't want people to know when I'm all happy & excited to see them.

A cat tail, for sure.

Ho, Ho, Ho...

No, I'm not still talking about Tiger.

I'm talking about Christmas. It's almost here, finally. I'm very excited.

I love all the lights & the decorations & the good cheer. I love all the drinking & the socializing & the spending time with my family & friends.

Oh, & I like all the eating, too. Must get back on diet in the New Year.

But no resolutions for me. Except maybe to keep writing this blog. It's great therapy for me. I'm so glad people read it & sometimes are amused by it but it is also really helpful to me. Especially the feedback. The comments make me think more.

I made lovely Christmas cards through Costco. I printed little notes to put in the cards of people I don't see often or who live far away. And I printed our cute return address labels. I even hand addressed them for the personal touch but I think next year I'll print them cuz dang, my handwriting is bad!

All in all, I spent 6 or 7 hours on Christmas cards. Used all sorts of paper resources. Spent lots of money on buying & sending them.

And so far I've only gotten 5 in the mail. I hope everyone else is lagging, too, because I love getting Christmas cards. Or Holiday Cards, depending on what you celebrate. I love seeing the family photos. Seeing the little notes so long as they're not brag-o-grams.

I get one letter every year from a family that is rich. Beyond wealthy & so out of touch with how they appear that it's incredibly amusing instead of appalling. They write about all the trips they've taken to Africa, Peru, Brazil & Europe that year & include photos throughout the four page letter. They actually put the website links to all the things they've seen in their letter.

It's obscene & I love it. I look forward to it every year.

My letter is quite simple. My hubby & I celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary this year. Our son will be starting Kindergarten next year & spends lots of time with his Grandparents & cousin. We traveled to Kansas to celebrate my Grandma's 86th birthday & my cousin's wedding. He's an expert traveler.

Not a brag-o-gram but some things I'm happy to share.

I hope you all are having a wonderful evening. It will be a busy, busy week & I'll be hung over a lot this weekend so if I don't write enough, I'm sorry.

Have fun, be safe & ho ho ho...

LMAO Funny!

This was posted on Perez Hilton & I wanted to share it.

Have a great day!

I Hear Crazy People...

I do.

Not all the time. Actually, it only happens occasionally. But it's been quite jarring on three occasions.

Today I drove by two old guys sitting on boxes on the side of the road & it reminded me. So I thought I'd write about it. Believe or don't believe. My hubby doesn't believe me. But he doesn't think I'm lying either. It's the same thing he thinks about ghosts. He doesn't believe in them but he knows that I do. That I've had experiences that I am 100% certain about. He doesn't not believe me. He just doesn't believe. He's rooted in science. I am not.

Anyway, I'll do posts about the ghosts another time.

The first time was when I was working at the City of Sacramento & was driving out of the parking garage through the underground monthly parking exit. Automatic gates with access cards. There was this homeless lady that dressed like Bat Man. She was very thin & we often saw her walking around Cesar Chavez Plaza. She wore a spandex black body suit, like a biking suit. And a black eye mask. It was always very odd to see her. Lots of homeless crazies everyday, but she was unique.

It was like 7pm on a Friday night in winter when I was leaving the garage. It was dark & it was cold & she had curled up like a cat on the ledge right above & beyond the parking gates. When she saw me she sort of changed her posture from a lounging cat to a cat that was ready to strike. And her lips did not move but I heard, & felt, a low guttural growl & hiss just like a cat. It came from her. 100%. It was so weird. It kind of struck me like a blow. And all night long I heard & felt it.

The next year, still at the City, I walked across the street to J's Market. There was a crazy lady, a typical looking Anderson or Redding looking lady. Long, straggly reddish hair. Kind of hippie looking sunglasses low on her nose so you could see her eyes. I didn't pay too much attention to her on the way in but I did hear her remarking about each person that walked by or was stopped at the stop light of 10th & J.

"White guy driving his car. Old man carrying a briefcase. Young girl walking a dog." It was strange but not the strangest thing I'd probably even seen that day for that area & that time of year.

I went inside, bought my drink & came back out. I was looking right at her when I walked by, I always make eye contact with everyone, & I heard her say, without a word coming from her mouth, "Fat chick getting a coke."

I was pissed. I was not even fat for me at the time. So not the point but I have to get that in there.

My mouth just dropped open & I looked right at her. She was two feet from me & she just smiled. Then she went on thinking about other people. It was less clear, however, because the shock & ringing in my ears was so loud.

I stumbled back to the office & fumed for hours. I couldn't tell anyone about it because of the fat thing. Oh, & that she hadn't actually said it.

Then finally, last year, I was in San Francisco on Union Square with my hubby & the kid to look at Christmas lights & the Ice Skating Rink.

It was beautiful but there was so much pan-handling it was unbelievable. The hubby & I always had to keep such a sharp eye & at least one hand on our four year old to keep him from wandering into the streets or bumping into a homeless pan-handler.

I had a hand on my son's shoulder & was steering him past a thin man with a long black beard & long black hair, a stocking cap & camo fatigues on. He was kneeling & as my son went past him to catch up with my hubby a few feet in front of him, I looked at the man & shook my head.

We were seriously hit up for money every 10 feet that night. Regardless of my stance on pan-handling usually, my hands were full with my son & the incredible enormity of all the people asking us, asking everyone there, for money.

I looked him right in the eyes when I shook my head & he started screaming at me. So much so that I stopped in my tracks & looked down at him with shocked, wide eyes & my mouth hanging open. He was still kneeling with his hands together like he was praying but his eyes narrowed & his mind was screaming "You stupid fucking bitch! Did you know that I fought for this country? Did you know what I did for you? I could have died for you you stupid fucking bitch!"

Again, I felt like I'd been dealt a physical blow & stepped back & stumbled the few feet to catch up with my family. I could still hear him yelling until I was many yards away. It just faded. When I looked back he was still quietly kneeling in the same position.

I asked my hubby later if he heard that man yelling at me & he said absolutely not. And he was right there & he didn't care what kind of situation it was he would have had an incident with him because no one was going to speak to his wife like that.

He didn't hear because the guy didn't yell out loud. He would have heard if he had. Absolutely.

Anyway, I'm just haunted by these memories this evening so I had to get them out.

I feel better now. Still haunted but better.

Have a great night. Thank you.

The More I Learn, The Less I Know...

Let me begin this by saying I like Tiger. I always have.

I played on the boy's golf team in high school, pretty friggin cool - go me, & I was getting ready to tee off for the girls state championship in Modesto when everyone started murmuring there's Tiger, there's Tiger, oh my gosh, it's Tiger.

I didn't know who they were talking about heading up to the 18th green, 20 yards or so from my 1st Tee, but I knew it was a big deal. I remember it still.

I also remember a friend of mine. A few years older, a world wiser & a somewhat mentor to me ~ no wonder I'm so fucked up. She was having an affair with an older man ~ an older, married man ~ & I was astonished that he could be cheating on her, too. Not just on cheating his wife, but cheating on his mistress.

She said, rather matter-of-factly, that all men want to do is get their dicks wet.

That sentiment rings in my head. No wonder my hubby takes the abuse that he does. And he is a good guy. I have no reason to worry. Whatsoever. But still...I remember what she said.

And then I remember the few years I spent working for the City of Sacramento & I saw every single form of adultery that exists. It was disgusting. I can't even imagine what Washington D.C. must be like. I could write a book on the marital debauchery in government. Oh wait, I am. I have. I just need a publisher...

Anyway, I don't blame Elin for leaving. You know Tiger was swearing on his Mother & his Father's grave that it was just those two. And now there's 10. Or more. I haven't looked since this afternoon.

I can say that at least it's just women. It could be men, too. Or 12 year olds in Thailand. So far it's just women...

I don't excuse him, but can you imagine how much ass Tiger has thrown at him each day?!

We women, some of us, are susceptible to rich, powerful men.

And they're susceptible to themselves.

They can do anything.

And they can.

Until they can't.

I would have beat his ass with a Driver. No doubt.

The "No condoms" would have been the deal breaker for me.

And the waitress from Perko's. Puleezzzz.

I'm a snob ~ or a classist, actually, as my flip side would say.

Have some standards. And keep her safe.

Team Elin.

Hope she has good lawyers cuz you know that he does.

Have a good night!

Philadelphia...

Tonight I'm watching Philadelphia. Such a touching & troubling movie.

"The Bug" as it was referred to on The Wire. My hubby & I still use the reference. Affectionately, we use it. About people we care about.

When I was 20, just barely 20, I was super cute. I still have an appeal but there was some time from my late teens to early twenties that I looked good.


I was sitting in LAX reading an Anne Rice Vampire Chronicle, in white 501's with black cowboy boots & my legs slung over the arm of the airport chair. I felt a murmur from all the people around me, not really knowing what it was about.

I looked up & about 5 feet from me was Tom Hanks, staring down at me, smiling. I said "hey" & he said "hi.". Then his security came over to him & elbowed him into the red carpet room with his wife. She kind of smirked at me, too.

It was him but different. He had on a red bandana & did not look well. It occurred to me later that he was filming Philadephia. I love his acting. Love to see him on SNL.

Just random memory for this evening.

Have a great night!