Sexy Dreams...

I've been all serious lately & want to take it back to what I consider a fun topic. But I still seriously need to vent about it.

The things that go on in my head sometimes just need to be let out. And this might be tmi but I'm gonna blog all about it anyway...

I tend to be an insomniac. A lot of it is self-imposed because I just don't want to go to bed but often I'll try & just cannot sleep. I usually get up & blog, mess around on facebook or even play poker online. I actually don't usually watch tv.

Anyway, I went to bed after blogging on Tuesday night. I had already been to bed once, if you know what I mean, & gotten back up after that was all through. And it was fun. And it was pretty good & even wild for a Tuesday night which is where I'm going with the point of my story.

I finally go to bed at 3am & lay there for 30 minutes listening to my hubby having a sexy dream. He's laughing & moaning & groaning but he never really talks.

I was actually torn between being totally amused & being quite jealous. I listened, ready to pounce on him if he said anyones name. I was so gonna bust him if he did. But then I thought I was being totally unreasonable because it's not his fault if he dreams about someone else. But that being said, I still knew I was going to be furious if he did say someones name other than mine.

Totally silly post but I had to share. Thanks for laughing with/at me.

The Women's Fund...

I don't typically discuss politics. And I'm not going to do that now either because I think that women's issues are not about politics. Women's issues are just that ~ women's issues.

Say women's choices, however, & it makes it sound like politics. I'll stick to issues.

I went to a Women's Fund Forum today where the chosen topic was Teen Pregnancy. It was actually the topic that I had suggested so I was pleased that they had included all types of health care & education providers.

However, they only had speakers that were offering either statistics regarding teen births in Shasta County or Cal-Safe, which is basically Mary Street School for teen moms. Their agenda was to propel girls toward having & keeping their babies & continuing their education.

That's an excellent choice if that's a woman's decision, but that was really the only "choice" presented.

My problems with this forum were several:

The health care providers that attended were relegated to the rear of the room & not the podium & were never really given a chance to speak.

There was an inherent uncomfortableness in the room the two times the word abortion & emergency contraception were mentioned.

There was also that same discomfort when the topic turned toward sex education in the schools.

The Shasta County School Superintendent proudly said that all freshman were required to take Personal Growth. My same-aged friend & I had whispered to each other not 10 seconds before he brought it up what a joke Personal Growth had been in 9th grade.

And it really doesn't have to be a joke. If they could just separate the boys & the girls into different classrooms so it could be taken more seriously. 14 & 15 year old kids are going to behave immaturely in a coed environment in response to sexual material.

And this is what I said at the forum. I think when I one-on-one explained my position & why I popped out with "but we were just discussing that 9th grade Personal Growth was a joke" my comment was better understood.

Sometimes it just bubbles over & I say what I think. It happens more & more as I'm getting older.

I believe that there are some fundamental problems in this county & a huge example was demonstrated to me today: There is such a large distance between the women that are involved in strategies for helping these potential teen moms, both in age & economics, that the problem can't really even be put into relativity for this forum.

I'm approaching my late thirties & I feel removed but still a witness in my own life to teen moms that I have close to me. I see the things they give up & the things they have irretrievably lost.

I know they love their children & would not trade them for anything but if they were to tell younger girls if they would have waited if they could do it again I believe they would.

I just don't think that topic was suggested today. It was all about the Grandma's oohhing & aahhing at the photos of the teen moms' babies put in the power point. Or the video of a success story that brought her baby to the forum that totally moved me to tears but she was only one doing well out of hundreds in this county that aren't making it.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I love the Women's Fund & I'm proud to be a part of it. And I applaud anyone & everyone that gets involved.

Getting involved in anything is so valuable.

Join the fight. What fight? Any fight.

I just feel that the age & economics of those involved should be better reflected by the population. It feels kind of like Little Orphan Annie giving right now.

I shouldn't even post this but I will because it's on my mind & I'm still riled up about it tonight.

I did meet & talk to & became facebook friends with the Clinic Manager of Women's Health Specialists. That made it a wonderful day.

And I spoke up & spoke my mind at the forum & I'm speaking it now. I'll always stand by what I say & what I believe, even if it makes me uncomfortable.

And I'll continue to be involved in the Women's Fund because I believe in the mission. And I know the founders believe in the mission, too.

I just wish more of my friends could be involved. But it's a time & money commitment that most of them can't afford. That's why the age & economic gaps are so big.

I try to be neutral about many things but I am so passionate about Teen Pregnancy. I just believe in my heart it's the fastest track to poverty that you can pave.

Have a thoughtful night.

Other People's Lives...

I've learned many things from my Mom. Here are a few examples:

Never pass up an opportunity to keep your mouth shut ~ Something I so have not mastered.

One of the most difficult things in life is to see the traits you most dislike in yourself emerge in your children ~ The way I hold a grudge, just like my Mother. I'm even worse.

People can tolerate just about anything in someone else, except success ~ That's my blog all about it tonight.

This topic comes up often between my Mom & me. It's funny. I'm really open about my life. Obviously as you can read here whenever you want. And my Mom is one of the most private & quiet people you'll ever meet.

I struggle. I have negative feelings all the time. I have a weight problem that I am always dealing with that really creates a lot of nasty inner dialogue between me, myself & I.

But I have a very happy marriage. I have a wonderful son & an amazing family. We are very fortunate to have successful careers & a beautiful home & can really do whatever we want at this point. But we can't do nothing. We're not there yet. So as much as the hubby would love to retire, I won't let him.

I always joke that if I didn't have a weight problem I'd really be intolerable ;)

This blogspot came from my conversation the other night with my Mom about the way I, & lots of other otherwise seemingly nice, normal people, always look at the Redding Mugshots.

My Mom says we delight in other people's misery. I don't think it's that. I think it's curiosity.

And to me, it's a reminder to me to not drink & drive because I'll be up there.

A friend of mine told me a few nights ago that the owner of CR Gibbs told him that since Redding Mugshots has become so popular that his alcohol revenue is way down. That all the bars & restaurants in town are saying the same thing.

My Mom got a kick out of that. Not the going to jail or danger or the fines but the public humiliation is what will slow down drinking & driving. So be it, she said.

Not only do I look at the Mugshots but I read the foreclosures in the newspaper. And when the delinquent property tax listings are published I scour those.

I don't know why. I don't wish bad things for my friends or acquaintances. I'm just curious.

A lot of it is seeing that things aren't always as they appear. People that act like they have lots of money may have properties in foreclosure or be way behind on taxes. And I don't care who you are or how much money you have you are gonna look tore up & bewildered in a mugshot.

So do I like to see people messing up? No. Do I like to see people doing way better than me? No way. But I would rather see them doing better than me than messing up. But sometimes it's a pretty close call ;)

At least I'm honest. And curious.

This whole idea is ponging around in my head. I'm gonna write more on it later but I have to think about it more. Share your thoughts, too, please.

Have a great night!

I Love the Fall...

I love the Fall. It's my favorite season. So many wonderful happenings!

It's Halloween. It's my birthday. It's my son's birthday and then Thanksgiving ~ same day this year, actually.

It's the best weather.

It's the colors. I love Orange.

And then fall leads to winter & Christmas. I love the Holiday Season. I'm really looking forward to it this year.

I just put up my Halloween decorations. And I did the same dumb thing I do each year. I am never happy with my door decoration so I find somewhere else to hang the old one & go excitedly buy a new one. I get it home & then I remember why the last one didn't work & why this one doesn't either: It covers the peep hole.

Awesome. I did it again this morning. Every single year. Whatever, it looks totally cute hanging from my wall mirror with hooks in the hallway.

But now what to do with the front door? Back to the store to buy the orange & black wreath I had planned to buy but instead bought the beautiful witch hat with Happy Halloween underneath.

This is why my hubby hates me. Because I was debating over a front porch pumpkin display that is so adorable but didn't buy & this afternoon I'm gonna get it as well as the wreath.

I don't really have a shopping problem. I just get what I want with no regard to how much it pisses him off. It's actually a game we play. I buy it. He likes it until the bill comes & then he yells at me & I put my hands up in the air & shrug.

Just like the installing of the Christmas Lights. He likes the way they look, he's not gonna do it & I am going to pay to have it done. He freaks out each & every year at how much it costs.

I work. I contribute financially as well as manage most of the child raising responsibilities. Well, me along with my parents ;)

We manage to save a great deal of my income so I'm gonna buy what I want to buy & do what I want to do. Within reason. If I wasn't reasonable then it would be a problem. He's a serious saver & if my bad habits got in the way of his saving it wouldn't be a game any longer. But so far so good.

Don't we all play our games? And things carry on as they should.

Have a wonderful day!

My Hopes & My Dreams...

My parents always wanted the best for me & my brother. They always told us that they would measure their own success by how successful we were & that they wanted us to achieve so much more than they ever did. They have set the bar pretty high but we're striving for it.

I think that is an amazing way to raise your children. That's how I'm trying to raise my son.

My parents also kept us aware that their standard of living was not our standard of living. So many kids move out & try to have the same lifestyle that their parents' have without recognizing that it took their parents decades to get there.

My parents always told us, sarcastically of course, "We're very rich, you're very poor. We have lots of money, you have none." It sounds horrible in writing but it was such a good value to instill in us. That the things we enjoyed in their house were things we would have to earn & be responsible for on our own.

My son is always going through all the things he could be when he grows up. He mentions dirt bike rider, paleontologist, garbage truck driver, archaeologist. We always tell him that he can be whatever he wants as soon as he finishes college. And that is the truth.

I hope he takes advantage of the opportunities that he will have. He'll have even more than I did. And I didn't take advantage of mine at all. I didn't squander them, certainly, but I didn't appreciate them.

My parents would have paid for me to go anywhere to school & I had the grades to have lots of options, but I went to a party school & I partied. I had lots of fun but it took me several extra years to finish college.

I played on the golf team & was too busy partying to take it seriously.

I hope my son is smarter than I was. From what I can see, he already is.

Some parents seem to want their children to not be as successful as they are. Instead of feeling proud they feel threatened.

I think it's because if a child is more successful than the parent then they won't feel needed any longer. I see that with my Mother-In-Law sometimes. Her favorites are the ones that need her the most. And I see it in her oldest daughter with her children. She does not want them to be more successful than her & her husband.

I will measure my success by the success of my child. He doesn't have to be wealthy but he does have to be happy, well adjusted & satisfied for me to feel like I did my job.

I thank my parents all the time for the values they gave me. And for the pride they show in their children's success.

Have a wonderful day!

I Am Embarrassed to Admit This...

But, it is shockingly easy to become an internet stalker!

I didn't even mean to do what I did. It just happened. Seriously. I am not usually a stalker per say. But sometimes one thing leads to another & I pursue.

So last week I went to San Francisco for work. No big deal. I go often.

But this time of year in the City reminds me of an ex-boyfriend. Super nice guy. Way, way too nice for me. I chewed him up & spit him out, unfortunately. He deserved a much nicer person than me. Hopefully he found her. It seems like it but I digress.

I have to prelude this whole thing with the simple fact that I broke up with him & he actually kind of stalked me for a little while. Lots of hang up phone calls, drove by my house in Redding from San Francisco, showed up at Shasta College from San Francisco looking for me.

But we ended as friends. He met my then boyfriend now hubby & even attended our wedding. He's a successful attorney in the Bay Area & I spoke to him from time to time even after I was married. We drifted apart. It was fine. I have no feelings of what might have been with this fellow. None. So how this happened is intriguing to me.

Anyway, I looked him up on Facebook the night before I was set to leave for my business trip & my hubby was out of town. It started casual. As I said, October in San Francisco reminds me of him.

He wasn't on Facebook.

So I Googled him. He was listed on all sorts of legal pages ~ even saw a photo but it looked quite old. One of the search results listed his name with a female name, same last name, contributors for a charitable organization to which it seemed he would be involved. And it kind of rang a bell that she had the same name as the girl he was living with the last time we spoke, 7 or 8 years ago.

So I looked her up on Facebook. Hundreds of them.

On the second or third page of the Facebook search results there was this smiling face of this woman that I just knew was her. For no reason. I just knew. Or at least I thought I knew so I had to find out. But all her shit was blocked. Smart girl.

Aha, but she had her business website listed. She did event organizing, wedding planning, stuff like that. So seriously the opposite of me. It had to be her.

So I was going through the website, looking at all the events she had done & her last option was for Holiday Greeting Cards.

And there, in the very last section of her website after what had been an hour long hunt, was a tiny example of her work: Her very own Holiday Card. With her lovely family on it. It was him.

I felt so gross after this whole affair albeit a little vindicated that my instincts were spot on when I saw her.

I had to delete my entire search history for that day & hope my hubby wouldn't notice. He would have been slightly bugged & given me a bad time but if it had been the other way around & he was searching for an old girlfriend I would have fucking flipped out.

It's so funny how things can get away from me.

I am really quite ashamed of this ordeal but pretty pleased that I have such skill. Scary!

Wonder who's stalking me? Or who's stalking you? Or who are you stalking?

Have a wonderful night!