What's the statute of limitations on guilt when you did something treacherous on behalf of someone you love?
And when there's absolutely nothing you could or would do to correct it & would probably do the same exact thing no matter how many times you relived it?
Is guilt just a naturally occurring emotion or do we create it?
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Acting Out...
What to do when you're mid to late 30's & find yourself acting out?
Doesn't that end when you're a kid? Is it a version of a midlife crisis?
Men get sports cars & sometimes younger women.
Me? I guess I'll take trips, buy purses & play poker...
Doesn't that end when you're a kid? Is it a version of a midlife crisis?
Men get sports cars & sometimes younger women.
Me? I guess I'll take trips, buy purses & play poker...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Memories...
My husband says I look back too often. He says I never, ever forget a slight or something bad that happens & yet I completely disregard the good things.
I don't feel that way. But I do.
I just reread a few of my blog posts & couldn't help but wonder am I an upper or a downer? Depending on who you are would depend on how you would answer.
I would say Robyn could answer the best. I hope she thinks I'm an upper but she also knows I can be such a downer. It's her own fault because she's the only one I share everything with. If she wasn't such a good friend I would leave her in peace & just be bubbly fake with her all the time.
This morning she pissed me off though. I told her that I had seen Mrs. Cornelius at the North Cow Creek Fund Raiser this weekend & that I was so thrilled to see her. She was my favorite teacher & she totally changed the course of my life.
Robyn asked why. I wanted to punch her. I had dropped out of AP classes for a couple of reasons my senior year: I didn't want to work that hard & I wanted to have Mrs. Cornelius again for English. So when I got to my first period College Prep English class & we were seated alphabetically there I landed behind Robyn.
Our Moms had always been friends & encouraged us to be friends but we just didn't really like each other. So we rolled our eyes as I took my seat behind her.
But then a funny thing happened ~ we began to be friends. And then my parents wouldn't let me go visit Angela at UC Santa Cruz unless I took a friend with me so I asked Robyn. I told her my dilemma: Look, my parents won't let me go unless someone comes with me & you know your Mom will totally let you go if it's with me, so come.
The rest is history.
Ancient history, in fact, because Robyn forgot all about it until I reminded her this morning. She says it has nothing to do with how much she loves me it's more a matter of how she's going to have Alzheimer's by the time she's 50. Fine with me. I'll be her memory for her.
The point of my story is that I do remember the good things, too. I remember everything. I'm an elephant. But for me it's just harder to shake the bad memories while the good memories are fleeting.
The hubby tells me to focus on the 95-97% of my life that is amazing & fucking get over the rest of it. Men are so simple. Must be nice.
One more quick ramble so as not to slight someone else that also holds a grudge ~ I will always, always remember joining Lise under a tree in Chico at a Volleyball tournament. One of the best moves I ever made.
You never know when a choice you make or a person you meet might take your life in a completely new direction. I still keep my eyes open for the opportunities that come along.
Have a wonderful day!
I don't feel that way. But I do.
I just reread a few of my blog posts & couldn't help but wonder am I an upper or a downer? Depending on who you are would depend on how you would answer.
I would say Robyn could answer the best. I hope she thinks I'm an upper but she also knows I can be such a downer. It's her own fault because she's the only one I share everything with. If she wasn't such a good friend I would leave her in peace & just be bubbly fake with her all the time.
This morning she pissed me off though. I told her that I had seen Mrs. Cornelius at the North Cow Creek Fund Raiser this weekend & that I was so thrilled to see her. She was my favorite teacher & she totally changed the course of my life.
Robyn asked why. I wanted to punch her. I had dropped out of AP classes for a couple of reasons my senior year: I didn't want to work that hard & I wanted to have Mrs. Cornelius again for English. So when I got to my first period College Prep English class & we were seated alphabetically there I landed behind Robyn.
Our Moms had always been friends & encouraged us to be friends but we just didn't really like each other. So we rolled our eyes as I took my seat behind her.
But then a funny thing happened ~ we began to be friends. And then my parents wouldn't let me go visit Angela at UC Santa Cruz unless I took a friend with me so I asked Robyn. I told her my dilemma: Look, my parents won't let me go unless someone comes with me & you know your Mom will totally let you go if it's with me, so come.
The rest is history.
Ancient history, in fact, because Robyn forgot all about it until I reminded her this morning. She says it has nothing to do with how much she loves me it's more a matter of how she's going to have Alzheimer's by the time she's 50. Fine with me. I'll be her memory for her.
The point of my story is that I do remember the good things, too. I remember everything. I'm an elephant. But for me it's just harder to shake the bad memories while the good memories are fleeting.
The hubby tells me to focus on the 95-97% of my life that is amazing & fucking get over the rest of it. Men are so simple. Must be nice.
One more quick ramble so as not to slight someone else that also holds a grudge ~ I will always, always remember joining Lise under a tree in Chico at a Volleyball tournament. One of the best moves I ever made.
You never know when a choice you make or a person you meet might take your life in a completely new direction. I still keep my eyes open for the opportunities that come along.
Have a wonderful day!
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