Some Decisions are Easy...

I wasn't sure about this trip to Kansas for two reasons: My work & my kid.

I am so, so, so, so , so glad I came. I feel so amazing being here. I am waiting on my Grandma hand & foot but it is the most rewarding thing I've ever done. I made her beef stew today & we watched Andy Griffith & lots of Game Shows.

And my boss doesn't even realize that I'm out of the office. If it comes up I will tell him but I am responding to all of my messages very quickly so I'm not even missing a beat.

Tloday she told me that I mad her day by coming. I told her that I hope I made her week. I'm also able to give all my amazing aunts, uncle & cousins a schedule reliever because they've done shifts over here around the clock.

My Grandma really needs me. Especially the second I sit down she totally needs something. She needs a Kleenex. Or her chapstick. Or a refill on her water. Or her cell phone plugged in. My Aunt was over today & she said, very accurately, that "She'll keep you hopping."

Here are a couple of things about my Grandma. One is like me the other is so not:

My Grandma is a person that rarely sits still. She's always staightening something up or picking something up or putting something away or moving or arranging. Whatever. Even if she's watching tv she's working on a crossword. This new situation is very different for her. She has to sit still but she orders me to do everything she would do if she could. I love it.

I love it because it's so not me. I can just veg out completely. Not do anything. Even when it looks like I'm watching tv I'm often not. I am just vegging out. I'm actually completely lost in my thoughts which is different than just playing white noise in your head, but I can sit mostly still & do nothing. My foot is usually moving though so I'm not completely still.

What is me is the talking to myself. My Grandma totally talks to herself. She jabbers away like she's having a conversation. Today I was in the living room reading on the couch & I heard her quietly begin her chat. She got louder & louder just babbling about everything. Then she said to herself, "Well, I need it but I just can't reach it, it's too far away." That was the first time what she was saying concerned me so I asked her "What do you need, Grandma?"

It was her chapstick & she couldn't reach it. So I got up & got it. We made no mention of my eavesdropping on her conversation.

I used to tease her about it when I was younger. But looking back some of my favorite memories are listening to her chat in the next room while she was making the bed, cooking or doing the laundry.

It's the same thing I do now. I jabber away in my head but sometimes it spills over & I say things out loud. My hubby asks "What did you say?" & I tell him I was just talking to myself. He understands. He knows it is just like my Grandma. And the older I get the more I do it.

I'm a lot like my Grandma. And I love, love, love the fucking turtles.

I miss my boys but I am so glad I'm here.

Have a wonderful night!