Seasons Changing Still...

I don't mean to be a downer these days but it seems it's not uncommon this time of year so I'll just go with it.

I just read an interesting article on Yahoo about the fact that Fall can bring unease because it's the end of carefree summer & back to a more rigorous routine.

Fall is actually my favorite season so I don't think it's to do with the time of year for me but the change that's happening ~ that's always happening.

My friend wrote something very poignant on Facebook the other day. It almost brought me to tears because I understood it so well:

"Woke up and asked the air around his head, "when is normal?" Then, I realized that I was in the new normal...and I wept for a moment for old normals passing."

His life change was significant ~ his father had just passed away. I think of him often & hope he eventually finds peace with his new normal.

My changes are minor but still significant to me.

My son's in kindergarten. My job is incredibly slow. My hormones are just out of whack & I'm not feeling right. My Grandmother is in tenuous health for the first time in my life.

My childbearing choices are causing me grief. And I have never, ever questioned my decisions in the past so this is very uncharted territory for me to experience.

My only child decision is one I will ultimately be fine with. We are able to give our son the best of everything & he gets to experience more than most children do. He also has my niece, 18 months younger than he is, & they are almost as close as siblings & spend a great deal of time together. And he gets such valuable time with my parents that he might not get if he had a sibling.

It's me being selfish & wanting another child. The hubby & the kid do not. And without them on board it would make it even more challenging. I'd rather be pissed at my hubby for not wanting more than have him quietly resent me for having another. I'm used to being pissed at him a lot of the time anyway. He's used to it to ~ no big deal.

I'm trying not to drink very much these days, which is also quite new to me. And no meds. wtf?

I am having such an uneasy grasp on my moods & general uneasiness that adding very much of any kind of substances is making the slippery slope even slipperier (let's see what spell check has to say about that :)

All in all my life is great so I really don't know why I can't snap out of this. I need to count my blessings & try to get some perspective:

My child is healthy & happy & remarkably well adjusted in spite of having me as his mother.

My marriage is peaceful & happy although the hubby is getting annoyed with my case of the blahs. He's out of town all this week so we are missing each other right now & that will help with the weekend. We have a fun Saturday planned without the kiddo & then will be golfing on Sunday. Quality time is so good for us.

My Grandmother is doing better & expected to leave the rehab hospital in the next week or so & then I'll be staying with her for 6 days as soon as she gets out. I am really looking forward to that quality time with her & helping her in any way I can. I also appreciate that today she turns 87 years old & that she has been a remarkable Grandma to me my entire life.

My parents are healthy & happy & I am fortunate enough to be blessed with many very wonderful friends.

My bills are paid & I'm employed.

I guess I'm doing ok. I need to keep remembering that.

Have a great day!