Sometimes I just lose it. Not that I spank the kid or anything, but sometimes I snap & yell. I hate that about myself.
It's having a little boy that is so, so loud. He bangs & pounds & booms everything! I have told my 5 1/2 year old to shut up twice this afternoon. Once was inexcusable but the other time was pretty warranted. Even though I did yelled at him to shut up when I am on the phone for work right after I hung up, I still should never say that to him. Ever. I hate it when I yell it at my barking dog. It's such an ugly phrase.
And what am I teaching him when I react that way? Right now he's playing quietly in his room while I'm typing away. He assumes I'm still working so he's being quiet. And I recognize the days when my patience is short(er) so I need to type away for a few more minutes.
Sometimes I feel so sorry for my son that he has me as a Mom. Sometimes I'm horrible at it. But then I think what I've always told myself ~ he has no idea how bad of a Mom I am because I'm the only one he'll ever have. So I'll just do my best & try to have more patience & really, really try not to say shut up.
It's 4pm & I've worked enough today. I'll still answer the phone if it rings but I'm going to find something fun for us to do.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go smother a little boy with hugs & kisses & tell him I'm sorry. He's very forgiving. I wish I were more so of myself.
Have a great day ~ mine is going to get better.
motherhood is not a perfect science; you are a wonderful, loving mother and person--trust me, I know this! forgive yourself and give him love, hugs and time...oh wait, that's what you said in your last paragraph. guess you don't need my advice. have a relaxing evening. :)
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