My husband says I look back too often. He says I never, ever forget a slight or something bad that happens & yet I completely disregard the good things.
I don't feel that way. But I do.
I just reread a few of my blog posts & couldn't help but wonder am I an upper or a downer? Depending on who you are would depend on how you would answer.
I would say Robyn could answer the best. I hope she thinks I'm an upper but she also knows I can be such a downer. It's her own fault because she's the only one I share everything with. If she wasn't such a good friend I would leave her in peace & just be bubbly fake with her all the time.
This morning she pissed me off though. I told her that I had seen Mrs. Cornelius at the North Cow Creek Fund Raiser this weekend & that I was so thrilled to see her. She was my favorite teacher & she totally changed the course of my life.
Robyn asked why. I wanted to punch her. I had dropped out of AP classes for a couple of reasons my senior year: I didn't want to work that hard & I wanted to have Mrs. Cornelius again for English. So when I got to my first period College Prep English class & we were seated alphabetically there I landed behind Robyn.
Our Moms had always been friends & encouraged us to be friends but we just didn't really like each other. So we rolled our eyes as I took my seat behind her.
But then a funny thing happened ~ we began to be friends. And then my parents wouldn't let me go visit Angela at UC Santa Cruz unless I took a friend with me so I asked Robyn. I told her my dilemma: Look, my parents won't let me go unless someone comes with me & you know your Mom will totally let you go if it's with me, so come.
The rest is history.
Ancient history, in fact, because Robyn forgot all about it until I reminded her this morning. She says it has nothing to do with how much she loves me it's more a matter of how she's going to have Alzheimer's by the time she's 50. Fine with me. I'll be her memory for her.
The point of my story is that I do remember the good things, too. I remember everything. I'm an elephant. But for me it's just harder to shake the bad memories while the good memories are fleeting.
The hubby tells me to focus on the 95-97% of my life that is amazing & fucking get over the rest of it. Men are so simple. Must be nice.
One more quick ramble so as not to slight someone else that also holds a grudge ~ I will always, always remember joining Lise under a tree in Chico at a Volleyball tournament. One of the best moves I ever made.
You never know when a choice you make or a person you meet might take your life in a completely new direction. I still keep my eyes open for the opportunities that come along.
Have a wonderful day!
Yes it is sad but true my memory is awful. I may not remember Mrs.Cornelius or English from senior year, but I do remember the trip to Santa Cruz very well. I am very glad to have you in my life to remind me of the rest. (maybe I should be eating that fish to help too) BTY I don't consider you a downer at all.
ReplyDeleteWow...how'd you know I'd read this? But, to comment: I think we all hold memories contextually different even when it's the same memory. Something so profound for us personally, is usually not the same for someone else even when the two of you share the same experience. I tend to romanticize the past (even when it wasn't that great) and I've really had to come to terms with the fact that the grass isn't always greener, but honestly, as I get older, the more mundane experiences, have started to mean more. A downer? No...I wouldn't say you were a downer - more of a realist. But that's why we love you.
ReplyDeleteI must say, You are (to me) a strong, well spoken and to the point kind of woman. A woman I look up to and strive to become some day. I can rely on you, for a true friendship and for many other things. I can call on you for the strength of which I lack. Hence the random hysterical phone calls when I need my LISA FIX. You have a kind of way about you, that makes me smile( or puts my mind at ease). Your confidence, professionalism and success are contributing factors to why you are not only a friend to me, but a mentor. You are real, both inside and out. And it shows. Especially when you're a bit tipsy, and I love it.
ReplyDeleteBecoming your friend, was one of the best moves I have ever made, and I'm pretty damn proud of it.
I am sure that Robyn would agree, that you alone is something that she remembers. How can you not?? From the smirks or dirty looks early on, when you thought there was never going to be a chance that you two would be friends... to the memories of becoming friends and sharing life experiences together, I am sure she remembers those moments. Not as well as yourself, because as you and I (and most likely everyone else) know, Lisa has the memory of an elephant and an elephant never forgets.
But she remembers you.
It's ok that you remember everything. Be thankful for that. My memory sucks ... I'm terrible. I have tricks, and games that I play with my mind in order to remember day to day things...
So. It's a good thing. Having the memory of an elephant. That memory of yours has most likely been the reason ( one of them ) for your success! Keep on being yourself. Your happy, honest, and ever so crazy self. We all love you!!
xox ;)
P.S. You cannot be a downer if you are the one friend I have who lifts my spirits every time I see or talk to you...