Men Should Not Douche...

Anthony Bourdain's new show The Layover is in Miami & he has said variations of the word douche over a dozen times so far...I hate the use of that word & it is really offending me & I am always shocked when I find something offensive. No need to comment to concur or defend, I just had to send it out to the universe. Thank you - that is all...

Sometimes It's Cold in China...

Heard the most hilarious story today from a friend & have to share - I promised not to use her name.

She has two boys & they are constantly walking in on her getting dressed. Doesn't happen so much in my house because my son hates it when I scream at him. But I digress.

The family was getting ready to head up to the snow to cut Christmas trees & her five year old walked in on her pulling on her panties & she had a feminine napkin (ha ha) in place. He asked if that was to keep her china warm in the snow.

She said yes, it was, but it's a vagina not a china. So he walked around practicing saying vagina.

Damn she's a better Mom than me & I love her for sharing.

Hope you had a chuckle & have a wonderful night...

You Say Germaphobe, I Say Germaphobe...

Another thing my Mother always told me was:

"The only normal people are just the ones you don't know very well."

And I believe that for sure. None of us is normal. If there even is such a thing.

I'm pretty open about my oddities. I drink too much. I eat too much. I have all types of addiction problems. These are the things I struggle with but.....

What about my weirdness that I like? That I enjoy? That help make me me?

My friend told me tonight that I'm getting weird in my old age - & I told her to fuck off for the old age comment - but it was about my germaphobia which is in fact becoming more pronounced.

And I don't mind it. I don't want a half of a bucket of month old ice cream to serve at my kid's birthday party tomorrow. When she offered it I laughed & said I'm sorry, but have we not met? Do you really think I would ever take serve or eat month old ice cream? And she had the flu last week & I was supposed to cook at her house & I backed out even though she assured me she had Lysoled the entire house.

I'm ok with these phobias. And every time I find a hair in my food at a restaurant it is reconfirmed to me that I must be vigilant. That they are out to get me.

At the poker table a few weeks ago a man sneezed into his hands three times next to me & I sat quietly for 2 seconds before I suggested
that perhaps next time he could sneeze into his sleeve instead of into his hands since we all handle the chips & the cards. The guy on his other side said I second that request & the girl next to him held out hand sanitizer for him to use. I know it's not just me.

If I really thought about the amount of germs that were on the poker chips or cards I would go crazy but I'd still be playing. I attribute my
healthy immune system to playing poker & my germy 7 year old.

I have other weirdnesses, too, that I like & choose to keep. I don't think all isms & ishes, as I call them, are bad. They keep you aware & focused.

Stay weird. I like it. Have a good night...

The Other Shoe...

I like black shoes. I have a whole bunch of them.

So not what I was going to write about but it's what popped into my head.

I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. My life is going amazingly well right now. Work, personal, everything is fantastic. Of course I still need to lose weight but if I didn't have that then I really wouldn't be me now would I?

I don't even know what waiting for the other shoe to drop means. I'll look it up real quick & have an answer. Hold on & I'll be back in a second...

It means waiting for something bad to happen which you are expecting.

It comes from a famous music hall joke about a man who is woken by the drunk upstairs dropping his shoe. He can't get back to sleep because he is waiting for the second crash on the ceiling. Eventually he shouts upstairs "For Heavens sake, drop the other shoe!"

OR

The origin most likely was known in the 1950's. A British sitcom depicted an individual who lived in an apartment beneath a man who worked nights. The person in the lower apartment would be sound asleep when the tenant of the upper apartment came home. The tenant in the upper apartment would sit on the edge of the bed to take his shoes off. The first shoe hit the floor with a loud bang, awakening the sleeping tenant in the lower apartment. The groggy neighbor would remain awake until he heard the other shoe drop. The tenant in the upper apartment would remember that he had a sleeping neighbor below, and take the second shoe off and carefully place it on the floor, making no noise. The groggy neighbor would then yell, "For God's sake, drop the other shoe!"

And you know I like the first one the best.

I always expect things to go wrong. I'm always prepared for them. I hate surprises almost all of the time. Occasionally they're ok but I really like to be prepared.

I love the Fall but this time of year brings so many changes already that when everything is going so wonderfully is the very time when I get the most nervous about bad things happening.

Nothing in particular, just really, how long can things go well? Something has to happen to mess it all up eventually. And it will. But right now I'm just trying to stay in my moments of happiness. Not worrying about some impending things that have to happen. Life happens. Laughter happens. Love happens. Death happens.

But right now, I am so happy & life is going so well I'll just try to enjoy it...

Hope it's going well for you, too!

Love Lasts...

This evening someone told me they loved me. That they always will. What an amazing thing to hear. To feel. To understand.

And I told them that love always lasts. At the very least as an echo.

I believe that. I think once you love someone it's always a part of you. Not necessarily a large part but an important part. Every time I've ever loved someone it's changed me. Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.

I always appreciate the change love brings. The experience. Even if it doesn't remain in the forefront or perhaps you can't even remember it the echo of the change is still in you.

I have to believe that some part of love lingers.

When I see couples get divorced & hate each other after they've split I try to imagine that they once loved each other enough to get married. Or enough to build a family together.

The venom I've seen between exes makes it hard to believe. But I have to believe.

I realize that sometimes relative strangers have kids together through chance or accident but when people were married & had families & shared love I can't believe it ever completely goes away.

Damaged as I am, oh & I am fucking damaged, I have to believe that something remains.

"Love always lasts. At the very least as an echo..."

Have a wonderful night ~ missed writing this thing. Maybe I'll start up again...

Guilty but Loyal...

What's the statute of limitations on guilt when you did something treacherous on behalf of someone you love?

And when there's absolutely nothing you could or would do to correct it & would probably do the same exact thing no matter how many times you relived it?

Is guilt just a naturally occurring emotion or do we create it?

Acting Out...

What to do when you're mid to late 30's & find yourself acting out?

Doesn't that end when you're a kid? Is it a version of a midlife crisis?

Men get sports cars & sometimes younger women.

Me? I guess I'll take trips, buy purses & play poker...

Memories...

My husband says I look back too often. He says I never, ever forget a slight or something bad that happens & yet I completely disregard the good things.

I don't feel that way. But I do.

I just reread a few of my blog posts & couldn't help but wonder am I an upper or a downer? Depending on who you are would depend on how you would answer.

I would say Robyn could answer the best. I hope she thinks I'm an upper but she also knows I can be such a downer. It's her own fault because she's the only one I share everything with. If she wasn't such a good friend I would leave her in peace & just be bubbly fake with her all the time.

This morning she pissed me off though. I told her that I had seen Mrs. Cornelius at the North Cow Creek Fund Raiser this weekend & that I was so thrilled to see her. She was my favorite teacher & she totally changed the course of my life.

Robyn asked why. I wanted to punch her. I had dropped out of AP classes for a couple of reasons my senior year: I didn't want to work that hard & I wanted to have Mrs. Cornelius again for English. So when I got to my first period College Prep English class & we were seated alphabetically there I landed behind Robyn.

Our Moms had always been friends & encouraged us to be friends but we just didn't really like each other. So we rolled our eyes as I took my seat behind her.

But then a funny thing happened ~ we began to be friends. And then my parents wouldn't let me go visit Angela at UC Santa Cruz unless I took a friend with me so I asked Robyn. I told her my dilemma: Look, my parents won't let me go unless someone comes with me & you know your Mom will totally let you go if it's with me, so come.

The rest is history.

Ancient history, in fact, because Robyn forgot all about it until I reminded her this morning. She says it has nothing to do with how much she loves me it's more a matter of how she's going to have Alzheimer's by the time she's 50. Fine with me. I'll be her memory for her.

The point of my story is that I do remember the good things, too. I remember everything. I'm an elephant. But for me it's just harder to shake the bad memories while the good memories are fleeting.

The hubby tells me to focus on the 95-97% of my life that is amazing & fucking get over the rest of it. Men are so simple. Must be nice.

One more quick ramble so as not to slight someone else that also holds a grudge ~ I will always, always remember joining Lise under a tree in Chico at a Volleyball tournament. One of the best moves I ever made.

You never know when a choice you make or a person you meet might take your life in a completely new direction. I still keep my eyes open for the opportunities that come along.

Have a wonderful day!

Sucked In...

I am so annoyed with myself.

I still read Perez Hilton most days. He's not as mean any longer, which is refreshing but he still is a gossipy little beeyatch which I love.

He posted a story about a tweet by Lindsay Lohan about a photo of her & Puff Daddy that uploaded to Twitter right after her court appearance ~ side bar

Did I really just type that? Do I really have this useless fucking knowledge in my head? Why yes, yes I do. So funny & yet so sad!

Anyway, she wanted to express that the photo just accidentally uploaded or whatever crap she was spewing & that she was taking it seriously & that what she wore to court should not be front page news.

So today when I saw her court appearance story on the Yahoo News Feed my first thought was "What did she wear?"

OMG!

I'm just so embarrassed that was the first thought that jumped into my head! Not the fact that she may be a thief, liar, &/or drug abuser ~ but what was she wearing. Really?! Good PR work Ms. Lohan. Good PR work!

I guess I'm a teenage fashionista disguised as a frumpy but fabulous late thirties "Wom".

My new acronym I just made up ~ Wife & Mom = Wom. Or Wommy sounds better ~ Wife & Mommy.

Have a great day!

The Money Talk...

Does every couple fight about money?!

I know we do. And it's ridiculous. I don't care who you are or how much money you have, one of you is likely gonna be a saver & one of you is likely gonna be a spender. What's really tough is if you're both spenders. And if you're both savers then you're probably not reading this blog because you're not my friend. Except for you there in Colorado. You're my friend but you're an anomaly :)

Anyway, I'm the spender. Thankfully I have a really good job so I can back my game up but my spending habits still keep my husband awake at night.

Seriously. It's ridiculous because we are doing fine. But I could reign in my spending. I should.

But he had to have the talk with me yesterday morning the day before his birthday so now he is on my last fucking nerve still today & it is his birthday. So unfortunate.

Perhaps I should consider it his birthday gift that I let him sit me down & have the money talk with me. I get it once a year or so. Mostly before we do my books. I'm self-employed & I usually owe taxes. This year I might not but I won't get much back & I'll still owe large quarterlies.

I've had a few slow months which hasn't helped & we did a helluva lot of traveling last year. And then Christmas & our Maui trip & our new washer & dryer (the old ones broke) all came due at the exact same time that my commission checks took a dive so it all came crashing down on me yesterday. I guess it's been ponging around in his head since January.

Men are so odd. I can't stew that long. I have to explode & then it's over.

But now I'm annoyed with him. Because yesterday he told me that it's been bothering him for a few weeks. I hate when things slip past me. If something's bugging him or on his mind I want to know about it. If something's bothering me for a few weeks you can sure as shit bet that I'm gonna tell him about it.

It makes me not trust my read on him. It's like, what else have I been missing? In a bitchy way, yes, I'm pissed that it got past me that something was bothering him. But also in a concerned way because if something was bothering him I should have noticed & tried to find out what it was & how I could help. Am I so self-absorbed that I don't recognize a problem with this man that I love? Although I do kinda hate him at this moment :)

Poor guy, literally & figuratively. He just can't win.

I'm back to blogging people ~ I've missed you!